Top 100 Whatsapp Jokes

With the invention of technology I’ve been addicted to it especially my social life is completely mapped within it due to revolutionary app i.e. WhatsApp. You as a user of WhatsApp may be looking for many things that all of you need daily to tell you are alive or share with your friends and family one among them is whatsapp jokes. I’ve a nice collection of whatsapp jokes with latest funny whatsapp jokes, hindi whatsapp jokes and lots more…

  1. Galileo used 2 study in smal lamp. Graham Bell used 2 study in candle light. Shakspeare used 2 study in street light. Mujhe ye samajh nahi aata ke yeh sab Din Mein Kya Karte the?
  2. Why are people so worried about the ‘blue ticks’ on Whatsapp?
    Calm down…
    It’s just a messaging service…
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    and not a Pregnancy Test!
  3. Sita ji k vanvaas jane mein bahut badi seekh hai.Wah wah.Sita ji k vanvaas jane mein bahut badi seekh hai.Ghar me 3-3 saas ho to jungle hi theek hai .
  4. What did the cockroach say to the man who wanted to squash it?
    You are just jealous of me. The reason being – I make your spouse scream louder than you!
  5. Ek conductor ki shadi ho rahi thi, jab Dulhn phero ke waqt uske pas akar baithi to vo bola thoda pas ho k baith, ek sawari or baith sakti hai.
  6. Dear Whatsapp Users,It’s really funny if you were hiding “Last Seen”, Haha Haha Haha Haha Haha Ha!Sincerely,
    2 Blue Ticks!
  7. Arz hai-roz roz weight napkar kya karna hai,
    ek din to sabne marna hai,
    char din ki hai zindagi,
    kha lo jee bhar ke,
    agle janam to phir 3 kilo se hi start karna hai..
  8. Man: Why are beating your son in law so badly?
    He replies: I sent hi message that you have become father but he forwarded this message to his friends!
  9. How True.. .A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min, a beer shortens your life by 4 minutes, a working day shortens your life by 8 hours!
  10. Mobile has taught us three things:Whatever makes you happy – save it.
    Whatever makes others happy – forward it.
    Whatever’ll make no one happy – delete it.
    Happy Messaging!
  11. BoY : Ro kyu rhi ho..??GaL :  Mere Marks bahot kam aaye hai…BoY : Bata kitne aaye hai..??GaL : Sirf 88% ..Boy : Khuda ka Khauf kr ..
    Itne mein to 2 Ladke Pass ho jate hai…!!
  12. Boy messages text his Girl “Honey, I can’t live without you! When you come to me?”Here is the KILLING Reply -“Who is dying! I lost my saved numbers, kindly tell me your name?”
  13. True bravery is 2 arrive home…..fully drunk……a late night out…..& wife waiting with a jhadu and u ask: Hey abhi tak safai kar rahi ho?
  14. Straight Insult :HUSBAND: Ye kaisa khana bnaya h tumne, bilkul gobar jaisa……?WIFE : Hey bhagwan is aadmi ne to har cheez chakh rakhi hai…
  15. I thing..Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers!
  16. Well, they do say opposites attract… So I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured. Gud Day!
  17. Changing Times:
    Essay Writing Contest topic for School Students
    A Day in the Life of Your Mother… without Whatsapp?
  18. Changing Times:
    Essay Writing Contest topic for School Students
    A Day in the Life of Your Mother… without Whatsapp?
  19. Photographer: My secret of success is? ‘Think negative’!
  20. Two frinds,who hadn’t seen each other in several years, met on the street.
    1st: Who are u working 4 now?
    2nd: Same people, My wife & 4 children.
  21. These days success of marriage depends upon…
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    the speed and accuracy at which you delete your phone’s messages!
  22. Sabziwala Sabzi Par Paani Chhidak Raha Tha, kaafi Der ho Gayi .
    Customefr gusse mein  bola:
    Bhaisahab Agar Bhindi ko Hosh Aa Gaya ho to Ek kilo de do…..
  23. Make no mistakes. The junior is your biggest prospect!
  24. Raamnavami aanewali hai, isiliye hum apna man kewal Pooja, Arcahna, Sadhna, Aarti mein lagaana chahtey hain. So… aapke pados mein in mein se koi ho to bataao.
  25. Sit in grief and depression for the whole day and nobody shows interest in knowing what’s wrong.
    But smile seeing a message on your phone and the whole damn world wants to know what’s the message!
  26. Wife: If I would have been married to a Monster, I would have been felt much better than with you…
    Man: But marriages are not allowed in same blood relation!!
  27. Mil Gaya, Oye Hoye Mil Gaya, Balle-Balle Mil Gaya, DHINCHAK DHINCHAK Mil Gaya, Apna Sara Kaam Chod Ke Fizool ka SMS Padnewala Ek aur…”BEWAKUF”Mil Gaya!
  28. Please message me on WhatsApp only between the following timings:
    Morning: 6am – 11:59 AM
    Afternoon: 12pm – 3:59 PM
    Evening: 4pm – 7:59 PM
    Night: 8pm – 5:59 AM
    I don’t like being disturbed during rest of the time as I’m really engrossed in my work.
    You can bombard me with messages on weekends as I am relatively free!
    Please co-operate!
  29. I have already acted on your memo on saving power in my department by an immediate ban on employee empowerment!
  30. A women’s prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for strength, I’ll beat him to death!
  31. Please add me dear…
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    to the Whatapp group… is our national symbol of desperation!
  32. My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb. I got a detention after asking which end!
  33. Dog is truly a man’s best friend.
    If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment: Lock your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of the car for an hour.
    When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
  34. Mobile ek MANDIR hai;
    Whatsapp uska DEVTA;
    Group Banane Wala PUJARI;
    Message Bhejne Wala DANI;
    Padhane wala BHAKT;
    Aur Reply Na Karne Wala…
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    Bhikhari!
  35. It is better to be late than to arrive ugly!
  36. Aunty, mummy ne chini mangi hai.
    Aunty: Aacha aur kia kaha mummy nay?
    Kid: Agar woh kamini na de, to Pinki aunty se lay aana.
  37. I just wanted all of you know that I’m leaving Whatsapp.
    This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a tonne of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humour and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So see you .
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    after lunch!
  38. Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life?
    Because, women don’t have a wife.
  39. Group Members Chahe Kaise Bhi Ho: Awaara, Pagal aur ya fir Deewane.
    Par Jab Unke Message Aate Hai to Chehre pe Muskaan Jaroor Aati Hai.
    Tab Mehsus Hota Hai Ki Saale, Tedhe hein Par Mere hai!
  40. How Bedroom smells after marriages:First 3 months – Perfumes and Flowers!After 12 months – Baby Powder, Cream, diapers and Lotions!After 7 Years – Balms, Move and pain killers..
  41. A genuine reason for having two girlfriends at a time: Monopoly is always damaging & Competition improves service!
  42. Whatsapp creators are damn imaginative. They have made sure that ladies chat and there’s no noise also!
  43. Him: I kiss my Wife everyday before I leave for Office, what about you?
    Me : Me too, after you leave!!
  44. How do u identify a true music lover?
    A man when hears a woman singing in the bathroom, puts his ear to the keyhole instead of his eye!
  45. The real story behind Facebook buying WhatsApp:
    Recently Whatsapp sent a message on Mark Zuckerberg’s mobile: ‘Your one year subscription has ended, you must buy Whatsapp now.’
    Zuckerberg took it way too seriously!
  46. World’s shortest Joke ever is when Doctor asks: How’s your headache?
    Patient: She is fine!
  47. Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
    Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
  48. Indian economy has been down for years, but nobody panics, WhatsApp goes down for a few hours and everybody loses their minds.
  49. Sanjay dutt ko 14 days ki chutti khabar sunte hi aankho me aasu liye meri ma ne mujhse kaha…..
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    Dekh beta jail me bhi logo ko chutti mil jati hai..pata nahi tu kaunsi Company me kaam karta hai…?
  50. Telling a Lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of survival for a married man.
  51. A Couple’s life on Whatsapp and Facebook:On Whatsapp:
    Wife: Ghar Kab Aa Rahe Ho?
    Husband: Pata Nahi, Dimaag Mat Khao!On Facebook:
    Wife: Dear, when will you be back? You’re the best husband in the world. Miss you, please come back soon.
    Husband: Thanks for being there always… so lucky to have a wonderful wife in you. Honey, I’ll be back soon!
  52. Mack: What sign were you born under?
    Silky: No Parking!
  53. Amitabh bacchan ak samaroh me modiji se mile..Unhone modiji se kaha ki : Is berojgar logo ki taraf thoda dhyan dikiye..Modi : Accha yad dilaya, abhishek kesa he?
  54. Ek shrabi sadhu se takra gaya. Sadhu: Oh murkh, mein tuje shrap deta hoon…
    Sharabi: Ruko, me glass leke ata hoon.
  55. I got msg on WhatsApp: Bored lady in your city looking for some hot action.
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    So I sent her my clothes that needed to be ironed!
  56. Phone rings at night. Husband: ” If its for me, then say I am not at home” Wife : ” He is at home” Husband in anger : ” What the HELL?” Wife : ” SHUT UP. IT WAS FOR ME”
  57. Modi: Hello Advaniji”
    Advani: Haan! Bolo!
    Modi: Dhoni Bhi Retire ho gaya!
    Advani: To?
    Modi: Kuch nhi aise hi…
  58. Ek Church k gate pe likha tha: Jo paap kar k thak gaye wo meri sharan me aaye.
    Ek callgirl ne niche apna mob no likh diya: Jo nahi thake wo meri sharan me aaye.
  59. Aao Aaj Apko Mobile Pe Whatsapp Pe Film Dikhate Hain
    StartThe End!Yeh Thi Rajesh Khanna Ki super-hit film
    “KORA KAGAZ”!
    Thank you Mat Bolna!
  60. Ma: Beta ladoo Khayega?
    Beta: Nahin
    Mama: Chocolate?
    Beta: Nahin
    Mama: Khana?
    Beta: Nahin
    Mama: Marjana apne peo te gaya hai, sirf jutiyan hi khayega.
  61. Chanakya writes:

“If you want to be Happy with your husband,
Love him Less & Understand more!

If you want to be Happy with your wife,
Love her More & never try to Understand !

  1. When somebody who’s deeply in love with you tells you that you’re cute, beautiful, and angelic, I agree. That’s true, believe me, I swear because love is BLIND!
  2. Height of attempting unknown question in an exam… Question: What is an Array..? . Student: ARRAY is the word used to call a friend. Eg. “ARRAY BHAI idhar aa…
  3. Loyalty Tests…

Test 1:
Wife buys 12 underwears of same colour for hubby..

Hubby – Why same colour sweetheart people will think I never change my underwear.
Wife- Which people

Total silence…

  1. Patni:Aaap jub desi pee kar aate hai toh mujhe…………..Paro kehte hai.Aaap jub Angreji pee kar aate hai toh mujhe………..Darling kehte hai.

Phir aaj apne mujhe bhootni aur chudail kyu kaha.

Pati:
Aaj mae Sprite pee kar aya hu is liye sidhi baat no bakwas.

  1. It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
  2. Banta complained to a doctor that he wetted his bed every night.”Before it happens, do you see any dreams?” the doctor asked.”Yes, doctor. Usually I see a dream in which a small demon comes and says, ‘Let’s pee’.””OK,” the doctor said. “Next time you see the demon, say, No, we’ve already peed.”Next time Banta came to the doctor, the latter asked, “So, did you do as I said?””Yes, I did.””Did it help?””No, doctor. Only, it made the matter worse.”

    “How?”

    “As I said ‘We’ve already peed,’ the demon nodded and said, ‘Then, let’s shit a little.'”

  3. Sometimes you might catch me staring at you. It’s not because you are cute but bcoz my mom told me that devils have tails and I’m just wondering where’s yours?
  4. At a dinner party, the guest of honour was about to deliver his speech
    when his wife, sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of
    paper with the word   “ KISS ”   scribbled on it.A guest seated next to the speaker said,  “ So your wife has sent you
    a kiss for good luck.    She must love you very much.”The speaker replied,   “ You don’t know my wife.    The letters stand for
    ‘ Keep  It  Short ,  Stupid ’.
  5. Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
    Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?
  6. FaceBook Status
    Girl : Feeling Fresh …..

Boys Comment…..
Lagta hai , Potty kar li tune …

Blocked Forever

  1. Whatsapp would be a disaster if

‘Last Seen At’ was changed to ‘Last Seen With’.

  1. Men will always be Men –
    Once a group of men decided to go for Tirth Yatra. Their guide explained to them that they might see some ladies bathing in open and they should not get distracted at all. When they see anything like that, they should just say HARI OM and move on. Next day they started the yatra and one of the men in the group said- “HARI OM” and rest of them said- “KIDHAR HAI, KIDHAR HAI!”
  2. boy: mom aaj khane me kya bnaya hai…

mom: baigan ki sabji…

boy: kya mom har bar baigan ki sabji…

mom: ye sab najkhre apni bivi ke samne karna….tab to muh se ik shabad nhi niklega jo vo banaygi chup chap khaloge…!!

boy:kkk lao baigan hi khata hu…

after marriage……….

boy: aaj khane me kya banna hai darling..

wife: baigan ki sabzi..!!

boy: kya?? baigan ki sabzi…

wife: ye nakhre na apni maa k samne kiya karo tab to kuch ni bolte   …

boy: acha lao baigan ki sabzi

bechare ladke..

  1. If the mobile gets spoiled blame the child, if child gets spoiled blame the mobile.
  2. Wife: Tum Saari Duniya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi……
    Husband: Tum Kya Samajhti Ho? Main Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi..
  3. The only sardar who took revenge for 1984 sikh riots. Dr Manmohan Singh. He slowly destroyed congress from its roots in just ten years. Banda extra smart nikla..
  4. Taxiwala:-
    “Saheb Break fail ho gayi hai, Gaadi rukti nahi, kya karu?”
    Passenger :- “PEHLE TU METER BAND KAR.!”
  5. Killer PJ: Teacher: Name different type of Cheese. Banta: 1. White, 2. Cottage, 3. Mozarella 4. Cheddar 5. Swiss blue & 6. Bekhudi. Teacher: Wait a min… what is ‘Bekhudi’?? Banta: Hoshwalon ko khabar kya, ‘Bekhudi’ kya cheese hai…
  6. Dukandar se Chota Baccha:
    Uncle rang gora karne wali Cream hai..
    Dukandar: Haan hai..
    Baccha: To lagata kyun nahi, main roz tujhe dekhkar darr jata hu.
  7. Why Hindu Law doesn’t permit second marriage?
    Answer:- Indian Constitution article 20(2) says: “No human can be punished twice for the same offence..
  8. Father:- agar iss bar tum exam mein fail hue to mujhe papa mat kehna…

Aftr exam

Father: how is ur result?

Son: dimag khrab mat kar Manohar… tu baap ka haq kho chuka hai…

  1. Jagjit Singh singing- Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shaurat bhi lelo..
    Suddenly Santa stands up & says-Main toh bahut pareshan hoon, meri toh aurat bhi lelo….
  2. Prize winning message of the year :Wife at night : Tell me how much did Sachin score in 2003 world cup against Pakistan?

Husband : 98, why u are asking ?

Wife : Now tell me why you didn’t wish me for my birthday since morning ?

Silence………..……

Husband couldn’t even say, I have a bad memory

This is called…

Check n mate………

  1. Saas Bahu Ki Demand –
    Ladki Khobsorat ho
    Ameer ho, Padhi Likhi ho, Kam Umar Ho
    Ghar K Kaam Kaaj Mein Maahir Ho
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    Ladki Ki Demand
    (SIMPLE)
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    Saas Na Ho..
  2. Husband- Agar mujhe lottery lagi toh
    tum kya
    karogi…?
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    Wife- Aadhe paise le kar Hamesha
    keliye mayke
    chali jaungi…
    Main bhi khush aur aap bhi khush..
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    Husband- 20 Rs. ki lagi hai… ye le 10
    aur nikal.
  3. Bahu Ka Pahila Affair Sunne Ke Baad Sasur Ne Bahu Ko Mara!
    Dusra Afair Pata Lagne Par Pati Ne Mara
    Lekin Saas Har Bar Chup Rahi Kyun??Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi..!!
  4. Santa: Oyee ! Tumne Apni Sagai Kyun Tod Di ??
    Pappu: Papa, Uska Koi Boyfriend Nahin Tha.
    Santa: To Phir Problem Kya Hai ?
    Pappu: Jo Aaj Tak Kisi Ki Nahin Ho Saki Wo Meri kya Hogi.
  5. Saas Bahu Se:Aaj Se Tum Muje MAA Or Saaur Ko PAPA Kehna
    Bahu:Samajh Gai
    Sham Ko uska Pati Ghar Aya 2 Boli:Maa! Bhaiyya Ghar Aa gaye hai..
  6. Pappu: Daadi Neend nahi Aa Rahi. Hum Kuc Baate Karein?
    Daadi: Theek Hai.
    Pappu: Daadi Kya Hum Hamesha 5 Hi Rahenge? Aap, Mom, Dad,Main aur Behen.
    Daadi: Nahi Beta aapki shaadi Ho Jayegi Toh 6 Ho Jayenge.
    Pappu: Fir Behen Chali Jayegi Shaadi Karke Toh Phir 5 Ho Jayenge.
    Daadi: Beta Phir Aapka Beta Ho Jayega Toh 6 Ho Jayenge.
    Pappu: Phir Aap Mar Jaaogi Toh Hum Wapas 5 Ho Jayenge.
    Daadi: Kaminne, Kutte, Haramkhor… Soja Chup Chaap.
  7. Sardar office ja raha tha, Patni pyaar se boli:- See u in the evening. Sardar gusse se:- Dhamki kise de rahi h, main bhi tujhe dekh loonga.
  8. :- Aapke 3 daant kaise tut gaye..? Sardar:- Ji wo wife ne kadak roti banai thi. Dr.:- To khane se mana kar dete. Sardar:- Ji wo hi to kiya tha…
  9. Gl- can i sit here?
    Boy- it all urs…:)Gl- can i tk some water?
    Boy- my plsr…:)

    Gl- Bhaiya agla station konsa hai?
    .Boy- mere baap ne mere dimag me koi GPS fit nhi kiya hai ,jaldi seat khali ker mujhe neend a rahi hai .
  10. Wife: “Great being married to you for 13 years.” Me: “13?”

Wife: “Yep, decided to count only the years you were home.”

  1. Foreign movie names
    Oceans11
    Oceans12
    Oceans13
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    Indian movie names
    Koi mil gya
    Krissh
    Krissh 3
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    SouthIndian movie names:Jeeñe nahi dunga
    Agle janam me bhi nhi jeene dunga
    Paida hi nhi hone dunga…
  2. Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated… drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
  3. At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I hv lst my hand, oh!Santa: Control urself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
  4. Captain of Military: Naujawanon aage badoSanta aage nahin badaCaptain: Tum aage kyun nahin bade?Santa: Apne kaha 9 jawanon aage bado, mein 10ve number pe tha
  5. Teacher :- Desh me sabse imaandar police wale kaha paye jate hai ? Student :- Savdhan india aur crime patrol me.
  6. Family introduction :  A man from Bihar is introducing his family:
  • Ee hai hamaar biwi….. Google Raani… Ek sawal poochho toh 10 jawab deti hai…!!!
  • Ee hai hamaar betwa…. Facebook Kumar… Ghar ki baat sare colony tak pahunchata hai…!!!
  • Ee hai hamaar bitiya …. Twitter Kumari… Poori colony isko falow karti hai…!!!
  • Ee hai hamaar ammaji..
    Whatsapp mata- poora din bud-bud karti rehti hai..magar kam ki ekkau bat nai nikalti.!
  • Aur hum, Orkut Kumar… Hamka koi puchhta hi nahi…!!!

Ha ha ha!!! Hope you all enjoyed all the jokes. Keep Launging and Keep messaging.